Last night I was sitting with a wonderful group of women who are learning the teachings from Abraham, who is channeled by Ester Hicks. During our discussion the topic about how to quit smoking came up. I found myself quickly going to my eating habits as being something that I have always struggled with. To be honest my eating habits have never been good, and it has only been in the last 7 years of my life that I have taken them some what seriously. That being said I am constantly working on a lifestyle change to shape up what I am putting into my body, and I have made many changes that are serving me well. I also find myself sliding backwards and not doing what I need to do to maintain ‘healthy’ habits. However, I still feel stuck so why?
Guilt! The idea struck me when we were listening to the recording about quitting smoking. ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCoqMGk71UA that can be found on this link). For as long as I can remember I have felt guilty about the food I have been eating. And when I think about it, even as a child when we were eating nothing but rice, I was always told to keep eating and not to waste anything because of the starving children in Africa. We had to make sure our plates were completely cleared before we got desert and even if I was so full I could not move desert held me like a spell as it was my reward for eating so I was going have it. Long ago I realized I had a food addiction, but I did not realize how guilty I feel about eating food until last night.
I love food, and I am afraid to go hungry. I love the texture, the temperature, the taste…you name it I love it. Yet there is still a subtle thought in the back of my head that I don’t deserve this food, especially if it is considered a sweet treat or ‘unhealthy’. I have been told by well meaning people that if I really had strong will power, I would not want to eat. Yet my will power fails me on a consistent basis, as I love food too much. I am sure I am not the only one that has experienced this. Of course, that leads to further guilt and a decisions somedays to not even try. Not because I am not worth it… it is because it is too hard to fight my will power.
In the end, because food is something that I will never get away from, I will keep trying to eat well. I will be working towards feeling the alignment of the energy in my body and hope that one day…the alignment of energy around food and my vibrational being will happen. Until then each and every day will be a new start.
Blessings and Grace to you all.